Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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