genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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