alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
