your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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