I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
