My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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