Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
