I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize