I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
