I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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