She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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