I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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