So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
