I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
