Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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