you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
