So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
