In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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