Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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