Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
