can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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