I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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