so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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