i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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