I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
