oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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