Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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