you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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