he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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