I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
