he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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