We won't sleep together?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
