He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
