am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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