After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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