Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
