you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
