Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
