I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
