Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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