I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
