I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
