She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
