Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
