That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
