Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
