I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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