We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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