I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
