I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
