Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
