I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
