Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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