I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
