btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
