I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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