He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
