did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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