I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think i have two assholes
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
