i think i have herpe
just one?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
