The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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