Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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