Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
